Miracle Beans
I'm still celebrating the new year
I have a tendency to start the new year late- the first few weeks are usually spent traveling, being sick, or generally getting my life together. This year is no different. 2023 was hot garbage and I am fully expecting 2024 to be light years better, even if we are going to have to deal with the most appalling election season in recent if not all history. To stave off as much bad luck as possible, Black Americans have several New Years traditions but the most important is black eyed peas. You absolutely must eat black eyed peas on New Years Day (whether you eat them at midnight, as a first meal, or just any time of the day depends on your particular superstition) or you can just kiss your year goodbye. Also don’t clean anything on the 1st or everyone will die.
Last year, I was on a boat in Istanbul convinced that I was doomed because there was no way they would have black eyed peas in Turkey when the staff put them out with our lunch! I was thrilled, but the first nine months of the year really put the peas theory to the test. Starting in September though, the year suddenly and fiercely improved, so I guess sometimes it just takes longer for the beans to work.
This year, I was at the store at 6pm on New Year’s Eve because I stupidly waited until the last minute to buy champagne and I waltzed out with a bottle of tequila and no black eyed peas. I didn’t even think about it until I was already driving home. But when I opened the bag, a miracle straight from the storybooks. THERE WAS A BAG OF BLACK EYED PEAS. I have no idea where they came from. I certainly did not pay for them. My only thought is that the Black grocery clerk was slipping them into the bags of every Black customer, doing a solid for the culture? I have no idea but I have never been so happy. I called everyone I know. I did a miracle beans dance. And then I burned them and had to eat possibly the worst black eyed peas ever drenched in Tabasco sauce. I’m not sure what that says about the year to come, but this is year two of miracle beans and I’m taking it as a sign that the universe is looking out for me.
I’ve spent the first few weeks of the year moving into my first house, which mostly means building a million pieces of furniture because Ikea destroyed the world, becoming a master of curtain rods, and visiting Lowe’s five times a day. So, this weekend, I finally had time to roast a chicken, catch up on TV, and get back to this little substack, which I know you all missed. And boy do I have thoughts. So here we go.
WHAT TO DO
Watch:
Fargo (Hulu/FX)- The movie will always be a classic and seasons 1-3 of this show were incredible. Season 4 was… painful to watch so I was worried about what season 5 would hold. I was not disappointed. While it’s missing some of the editorial flare that made especially the first two seasons so fun, season 5 is dark, violent, and brilliant. Jennifer Jason Leigh is my new role model. Keeley from Ted Lasso is the toughest most resilient character on the screen since John Wick. Jon Hamm is so scary as a violent, controlling, misogynist sheriff that I’m not sure I can ever see him as a good guy again. Get thee to Hulu, but be prepared. This is not a happy tale.
Saltburn (Prime)- Everyone was talking about this movie but I can only assume it’s because they’ve never heard of Ripley. This movie was extremely meh, a mildly interesting retelling of a story we’ve heard a million times. It was made by the same woman who made that milquetoast-feminist hot garbage disaster Promising Young Woman, she’s in the same vein as Greta Gerwig- they both make movies for white women on Twitter, not for people with critical thinking skills or who have ever seen a movie before. Skip it, but rewatch and reread The Talented Mr. Ripley, the best version of this timeless tale.
Murder At The End of the World (Hulu)- Every comparison that I would make to this show would give away the plot and that is not something you could pay me to do. This Christie-like thriller (think And Then They Were None) will keep you on the edge of your seat and you will not see the ending coming. That is all I am going to say, except that, much like Jon Hamm, I may never see Clive Owen as a good guy again.
Hazbin Hotel (Prime)- I haven’t finished this yet but my friend Amir is in it and people are looooving it on the internet so watch it now, give it a good rating, and I’ll give what I’m sure will be a glowing review (I’M BIASED AND NOT ASHAMED) next week.
Read:
Circe- Oh god, speaking of women who are written for women who don’t like smart women, Circe the character is an infuriating disaster. I was screaming BISH GET A CLUE through the entire thing. Imagine being alive for thousands of years and still being this stupid. No wonder Athena hated her. BUT, it is so incredibly fun living in the world of the Greek myths, hearing casual references to the Minotaur and Apollo, diving into the minds of Odysseus and Scylla, that I couldn’t stop listening. Madeleine Miller has an envious knowledge of Greek mythology and she puts it to masterful use here. Also, this was an excellent audiobook, one of the best narrators that I have heard, and made my hours of unpacking fly by. So read it, but be prepared to just really wish for a smarter heroine.
Babel- Unlike Saltburn, this is actually a good story set at Oxford. Magic, mystery, murder, class warfare. The writer is terrifyingly intelligent, which is frustrating because I’m pretty sure she is also much younger than me and I just cannot imagine having a brain like that, and her incredible education is put into brilliant use in this novel. It’s one of the best Dark Academia books I have ever read.
INSERT PLUG FOR MY BOOK HERE. READ IT. LOVE IT. REVIEW IT.
Listen:
The Pirate of Prague (podcast)- The fascinating story of a post-Soviet con artist told in a really well produced, entertaining format. I loved it.
The Sisters (podcast)- I don’t love a lot of fictional podcasts, I find that they usually leave a lot to be desired, but this one is incredibly creepy and really well done. If you want to be more than a little scared on your commute, this is a good one.
EPIC: The Musical (Spotify/iTunes)- Continuing the Greek mythology theme, this is a concept album of a musical about The Odyssey written by an incredibly charming young playwright and I can’t get enough. And not just me, his Christmas Day release of The Ocean Saga topped the Billboard charts. Partial credit should go to TikTok, which he uses masterfully, but most of it goes to his incredible talent. I will absolutely buy a ticket for this when it finally hits Broadway.