The Mom Prize Part Deux
Because Trump has zero original ideas
We knew it was coming. We have seen this in every country and we knew America would not be far behind. It is time for us to panic about the rapidly declining birth rates in this country. I wrote about the actions that many countries around the world are taking to address this “issue” in the post linked below but it’s Trump Time now.
The Mom Prize
In 2022, Vladimir Putin resurrected the Soviet era “Mother Heroine” award, a prize of one million rubles (about $16,500) for any woman with TEN OR MORE CHILDREN. Look, I don’t know anything about the Russian economy but pretty much anywhere in the world, 16k is approximately enough to feed ten children for a month, two if you’re vegetarian. But every co…
I will not, because there is just not enough time or gin in the world, address the irony of a man who wants to sleep with one of his children and regularly forgets that the others exist insisting that he wants a “baby boom” under his presidency, but there it is. Trump and his Gileadean cronies are in a full panic about the rapid decline of birth rates in America so they put a suggestion box outside of the Oval Office and they are taking everyone’s ideas. So far they have:
Reserve 30% of Fulbright Fellowships for married mothers or just establish a quota for all government-funded fellowships. Because one thing moms have a ton of time for is traipsing around the world doing fellowships.
Give new moms a $5000 baby bonus. To cover the first three months of diapers I guess.
Better menstrual cycle education in schools. I am actually all for this one because even though they want it so that girls will learn how to plan pregnancies around ovulation what it will actually do is just the opposite and we should be teaching more menstrual education in schools so let’s let this one cook. Although I had pretty thorough menstrual education in school. Perhaps too thorough. It was like a full week of single sex and coed sessions (Single sex because girls are more honest when there are no boys in the room and coed because boys do not ask questions so they have to learn when girls do. Yes, even as a fifth grader I did ask.).
A National Medal of Motherhood probably because Putin is doing it.
A tax credit which is the most logical of all of these.
More affordable and easier to access IVF although the religious right is having an entire cow over this one.
That’s all they have so far but give them time, I absolutely guarantee that 500 worse ideas are coming soon. Like, for instance, saying you want a baby boom and then ELIMINATING HEAD START.
The problem with these suggestions besides the fact that they are wildly heteronormative and are almost certainly designed to increase the number of white babies in America (2050 is coming and they are freaking out) is that they absolutely will not work. None of the policies in any country, from more affordable housing and fewer work hours to just being really really scary (looking at you, Vlad) are working. People just don’t want to have children these days. Probably because we’ve met, and worse, were them. I didn’t want kids when I was a kid!
I interviewed childfree researchers Drs. Jennifer Watling Neal and Zachary Neal for Choose the Bear and their research shows very clearly that childfree adults in America are a rapidly growing population. This is happening here, it is happening globally, and it is not something a few shitty policies are going to change. In fact, childfree numbers in America have significantly increased since Dobbs so, as usual, the right is so wildly out of touch that they are actually hurting their own cause with their regressive policies.
Just like JD Vance is the best thing that has happened to childless cat ladies since Martha Stewart became a spokeswoman for kitty litter, these policies, and Donald Trump himself, will be the best thing to happen to the anti-natalist movement in a long time.
After all, what’s less sexy than Donald Trump?
Choose the Bear
This week’s episode features one of the OG single girl podcasters, Shani Silver. Shani is a legend and has learned a lot about this movement since she is one of the people leading it. The host of A Single Serving podcast and author of A Single Revolution talks about redefining singlehood, self forgiveness, and freedom. Give it a listen and then subscribe to her Substack here:
!What to do with yourself
Watch
Sinners (theatres)- If you, like me, have not seen this yet because you were traveling or something this weekend, then you are probably spending a lot of time dodging spoilers. This movie is all anyone is talking about! I am running to the movies the first second I can so I can finally open my eyes while I’m doomscrolling.
Last Bite Hotel (Max)- Like everyone else on Earth, I love Titus Burgess. I am quite sure that I have linked his brilliant rendition of Poor Unfortunate Souls before BUT HERE IT IS AGAIN. Last Bite Hotel is a fun take on a cooking show and mercifully short. Just long enough to get some Titusness and watch a group of very creative and intelligent chefs take on some fun challenges. It’s worth a watch!
Your Friends and Neighbors (Apple TV)- Good news: Jon Hamm is still hot. He’s also very good in this show about a wealthy middle aged finance bro who loses his job and starts stealing from his rich friends. I love a victimless crime.
Listen
Death Becomes Her Original Broadway Cast Recording- It’s finally here! If you can’t get to Broadway to see this hilarious show at least listen to the marvelous recording.
Read
I literally cannot with this cowardly professor who is an expert in fascism and apparently decided that the best way to fight it is to tuck tail and run rather than stay in your wildly privileged ivy tower and fight. Canada can have him.
The Scandinavian countries, which have excellent social programs, are still seeing a drop in birthrates. So...yeah.
Also, I see a lot of people referring to the Motherhood medals the Nazis used to give out. Did you know they got that idea (and many other hideous ones) from the American Eugenics program? Oh, so much pronatlist history to discuss!